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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25659769">august slipped away (into a moment in time)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiaras/pseuds/jiaras'>jiaras</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jiara Week [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Outer Banks (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bittersweet Ending, Comfort/Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, JJ (Outer Banks) Needs a Hug, JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)-centric, Jiara July, Light Angst, Post-Canon, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:01:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,088</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25659769</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiaras/pseuds/jiaras</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>(Jiara Week Day 6: Firsts Day)</p><p>''I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do without you here, Kie.''<br/>''And I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do without you there, J.''</p><p>————<br/>or<br/>Kiara is going off to college soon, and JJ is staying in Outer Banks.<br/>They decide to practice being away from each other for a day, for the first time ever.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>JJ &amp; Kiara (Outer Banks), JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Jiara Week [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1852384</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>87</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Jiara July Jubilee, Jiara Ocean Kiss Soulmate Endgame Excellence (aka a jiara-centric fic collection)</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>august slipped away (into a moment in time)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>oops this one is coming up a whole day late, sorry about that!<br/>here is my last entry for Jiara July 2020</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He always knew she was leaving. </p><p>JJ was more than happy to stay in the Outer Banks forever — hoped he would, even. He was a self-proclaimed salt water rat who planned to make a living out of working on boats, fishing and fixing random shit the Kooks had no idea how to take care of. The boy had an eye for repair just as much as he had for destruction, and knew how to use it in his favour.</p><p>Sure, finding out that they couldn’t actually keep the gold John B and Sarah retrieved in Nassau (because it belonged to the fucking State, apparently) had been a punch in the gut, but at least JJ had other things going for him. He was far away from his dad, living with Pope’s family and working at the shop, his best friends were found alive and well three months after their disappearance, Ward and Rafe Cameron were convicted and sent to prison for murder, and <em> Kie </em>.</p><p>Kiara, Kiara, Kiara. Not only one-of-the-Pogues, girl-I-hang-out-with Kiara, but holy-shit-she’s-my-girlfriend Kiara. When a few months after the whole gold ordeal JJ  (with Pope’s blessing, of course, because he wouldn’t want to be <em> that </em> type of friend) finally confessed his long ongoing crush to Kiara, he had expected the girl to either laugh in his face, play it off as one of his little jokes, or place her hand on his shoulder with pity in an attempt to turn him down gently.</p><p>Instead, she kissed him. Closed the gap between them, took his face into her hands and smashed her pink lips against his — and he never really asked her to be his girlfriend after that. Just started calling her as such, simple, like they had always been meant to be together.   </p><p>For the next two years he managed to push the prospect of her leaving to the back of his mind. He took her surfing, took her on boat rides and pointless drives around the island. Called her his girl every chance he’d get, just because he liked the way it sounded — even though he liked it even better when he’d hear Kiara call him <em> her boy</em>. He went to therapy when she mentioned it might be good for him — and asked her to go with, because he knew there was no way he’d be able to open up to a stranger without her calming palm on his, playing with the rings on his fingers.</p><p>But he always knew she was leaving. </p><p>Kiara was smart — had good grades, took a few extracurriculars, didn’t get into too much trouble at school. She wanted to go to college, and JJ not only understood why, but knew she had to. Because she was always meant for more. More than a small island, more than spending her days fishing and working at The Wreck, more than <em> him</em>. </p><p>She told them they’d work it out. Yes, it was Boston, and yes, JJ had a hard time believing she’d even still care about him when she was far away, living new adventures in a big city with her new set of friends — but he wanted to. Kept telling himself Kiara had to mean it when she said they’d find a way to make it work, to make<em> them </em> work.</p><p><em> I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do without you here, Kie</em>. JJ whispered in her ear the day after she got her letter of acceptance, thinking she was asleep in his arms.</p><p>She wasn’t, and she turned to look at him, caressing his cheek. <em> I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do without you there, J</em>.</p><p>And that’s how their little plan came to fruition. They had about twenty more days together until the end of August, when Kiara would get on a plane with her dad and leave for Boston, and a warm Saturday had been chosen as practice day.</p><p><em> Wait, you two are going to practice what, exactly?</em>, John B questioned them on the Friday before, when Kiara explained why she couldn’t sleep over at The Chateau. <em> Staying away from each other, of course</em>. </p><p>They had never before, not ever since they met when they were eleven years old. Even when Kiara went on family trips to her grandmother’s house in New York every Christmas, she’d still make sure to skype with her Pogues at least once a day and text them all throughout the afternoon, talking about her aunt’s new con artist boyfriend and her cousin’s obsession with High School Musical.</p><p>On Kiara’s Kook year, JJ was the only one she had kept more or less in touch with — mostly they texted each other back and forth about the shows they were watching, if JJ could get her some weed from his cousin and if Kiara would let him have some fries at The Wreck. They never really mentioned it to any of the other Pogues, but they’d meet every other weekend too, down at the little beach spot Tourons didn’t know about for a nice surf. </p><p>JJ and Kiara didn’t know how to be away from each other, and they needed to learn <em> fast</em>. </p><p>The boy had been the one to bring it up, really — he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about the days when Kiara would be too busy with classes and projects and work and new friends. She was bound to forget to respond to his messages every once in a while, and it’s not that he would hold that against her, but he figured it might be best to try out the new waters in a semi-controlled environment first (Kiara’s words, but he took it as his).</p><p>He didn’t sleep that night. Stayed at The Chateau with the rest of the Pogues (plus Sarah, though by then she and John B were practically living together in his room anyway), thinking their presence would be slightly more comforting than being alone in his room at the Heyward’s — <em> it wasn’t</em>. For the past two years JJ had grown accustomed to sleeping by Kiara’s side, skin-on-skin, his back against her chest as she placed her arms protectively over his waist.</p><p>Yes, he was the little spoon, <em> so what? </em> He enjoyed the warmth, and it put his nightmares to a stop — even after over a year of therapy and new ADHD and anxiety meds, he’d still get them from time to time. Her soft fingers tracing circles over his bare stomach did wonders, and the first night he spent without the girl, he didn’t manage to close his eyes for a second.</p><p>He didn’t want to risk another nightmare, simple as that. It had nothing to do with the way his brain wouldn’t stop working, going through every scenario possible for the next four years — Kiara would dump him then, before she left for college, or she would dump him over the phone after week one, or she would dump him when she came back for Thanksgiving. He was pretty sure she’d dump him, really — just needed to figure out when and where.</p><p>‘’Jesus Christ, JJ, you look like shit,’’ Sarah didn’t even try softening the blow as she spotted the blond boy in the kitchen, making coffee. ‘’Where’s Kie?’’</p><p>JJ felt his body become tense. Fuck, it was barely seven in the morning and he couldn’t even hear Kiara’s name without wincing. </p><p>‘’Didn’t your boyfriend tell you? She’s home, we’re trying this thing,’’ JJ didn’t look at the girl, attempting to focus on the task at hand. ‘’You know, not see each other or talk to each other, no calling or texting, no fucking smoke signal or whatever.’’</p><p>‘’Oh shit, that’s today?’’ Sarah sat up on the counter, eyeing JJ’s movements carefully. </p><p>‘’Yes, that’s today.’’</p><p><em> And then every day for four years starting at the end of August</em>.</p><p>‘’That’s not going to work.’’ Sarah tipped him off, and JJ felt his jaw clench. </p><p>His voice came out harsher than he had intended. ‘’Sarah, I think I can manage a day without talking to Kie.’’ </p><p>He probably couldn’t. But he also didn’t need someone pointing that out to him, especially after a sleepless, restless night.</p><p>‘’I meant the coffee,’’ <em> oh</em>. ‘’You need hot water for instant coffee, JJ, that’s what the kettle is for.’’</p><p>Kiara was the one who made the coffee every morning, JJ only focused on not letting the toast burn to a crisp.</p><p>Truth be told, ever since JJ met Kiara and especially since they became an item, the duo had fallen into a pattern of doing most things together — at the beach or when out on the boat, JJ tied Kiara’s hair up in a bun while she applied sunscreen to his chest. In the kitchen, Kiara was the boss, but JJ was her loyal assistant, always offering to chop the onions and cut up the chicken when they were making stir fry. When they did the dishes, JJ washed, and Kiara dried. When JJ was upset, Kiara covered his cheeks and nose and eyelids with small pecks, and when Kiara was upset, JJ played with her curls until she fell asleep.</p><p>So when JJ felt a flare creep up his neck, it wasn’t about the coffee itself — but how Kiara was such a significant part of his life that he couldn’t even complete a simple task without her hand on his shoulder and her voice in his ear.</p><p>‘’Relax, dude,’’ Sarah mumbled, still in her sleepy daze. ‘’I can make the coffee, it’s no big deal.’’</p><p><em> No</em>. He shook his head a definite and bitter no, and was about to tell the blonde girl off — because Kiara made the best coffee. She knew how to do it just the way he liked it, gave it to him with the perfect amount of milk and cream, just at the right temperature so he wouldn’t burn his tongue. </p><p>But he always knew Kiara was going to leave.</p><p>‘’Can you just teach me how, instead?’’ He asked, pinching the skin behind his neck, eyes not quite meeting Sarah’s. </p><p>So the girl grabbed the kettle, a mug that belonged to Kie (green ceramic shaped like a turtle, that JJ had given her as a birthday gift two years before), the half empty coffee powder jar and taught him how to heat up the water and how to stir and how he should leave some room in the mug for milk.</p><p>It didn’t taste as good as Kiara’s, but it was something.</p><p> </p><p>• • •</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em> baby you won’t fucking believe what I just caught Sarah and John B doing in the- </em>
</p><p>
  <b>delete</b>
</p><p>It wasn’t even the afternoon yet, and that was the fifth time JJ had started to type a message to Kiara only to come to the dreadful realization that he wasn’t supposed to — wasn’t allowed to, even, according to the rules he had set himself. </p><p>He had never quite realised how much his brain seemed to be hard-wired to Kie at all times, how whenever something funny or weird or even slightly amusing happened, she was the one he wanted to tell about it. </p><p>He wanted to make her laugh (not her mannerly chuckle, but a burst of deep, loud, hearty laughter that made her snort and her belly ache), and wanted her to think he was interesting too (how many hours had he spent looking up facts about sea turtles’ mating season, the toxins from single-use plastic and what the fuck Sagittarius meant?), wanted her to feel like he could hold a conversation that wasn’t based on <em> that’s what she said </em> jokes and the pros of hydroponic weed. </p><p>Fuck, he loved smoking weed with her — how she’d grin a lazy smile, not care about the hair on her face and babble for hours and hours about nothing in particular. How hungry she’d get after a while, and how she’d persuade him to make brownies with her no matter how late in the night it was. She baked the best fucking brownies in all of North Carolina when she was high (<em>JJ, the best baking happens when the baker is baked</em>), all long bare legs and kissable swollen lips.</p><p>‘’911, yes, we need immediate assistance,’’ John B’s voice echoed around the thin walls of The Chateau, his palm hanging over his ear for a makeshift phone. ‘’My friend has gone deaf.’’</p><p>JJ snapped his head up to stare at his friend in confusion — Pope and Sarah stood around them, sipping on their bears and trying not to keep their gaze on JJ for too long. </p><p>‘’Finally, he is back,’’ John B yelled out eagerly. ‘’Do you want to go surfing or not?’’</p><p><em> Without Kie? </em> ‘’Nah, man, I’m good.’’</p><p>Pope and John B exchanged a look, as if they had rehearsed this exact conversation plenty of times before and it was Pope’s turn to pick up the batton. ‘’We could go get some burgers and fries if you’re hungry.’’</p><p><em> What, at The Wreck? </em>‘’Not hungry, thanks. Big breakfast.’’</p><p>And it’s not that JJ didn’t enjoy spending time with Pope and John B, <em> he did</em>, but if they ended up going down to the beach or somewhere out to eat, Sarah would most definitely tag along and so Pope would be sure to invite Eliza, the girl he had been hanging out with for the past couple of months. And really, as embarrassing and pathetic as it could sound, JJ just wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle a whole afternoon of happy couples being <em> all happy </em>and <em> all coupley </em> around him without falling apart. </p><p>Because his girl was fucking leaving, ok? And John B would be fine, because Sarah was just going to Chapel Hill, and Pope would be fine, because Eliza had gotten a scholarship to the same school he had on the West Coast. They were both lucky bastards, and JJ had every right to not want to surf or eat chilli fries when his world was about to crumble down in front of his very eyes. </p><p>‘’So you’re just going to stay on the couch being all mopey and shit?’’ Sarah smacked her boyfriend’s back with the back of her hand. <em> John B</em>, the girl muttered under her breath. </p><p>‘’<em>What</em>? I just mean— well, I thought the whole point of this day was to see which one of the two would break first.’’</p><p>‘’Break?’’ JJ asked groggily, his body crying out from the lack of sleep.</p><p>John B shrugged, took another sip of his beer. ‘’Yeah, you know. See if it’s you or Kie who’ll give up on this first and call the other. My money’s on you, Kie’s at least keeping herself busy with packing and whatnot.’’</p><p>Sarah smacked John B’s back again when she caught glimpse of JJ’s dropping shoulders, picking at the soft flesh of his neck. </p><p>‘’Hey, bro, I didn’t—’’ John B began his attempt at an explanation, but was immediately interrupted by a blank-faced JJ. ‘’No, no, you’re right, I’m being mopey. I mean, it’s not like my girl is about to fucking leave me, yeah?’’</p><p>Sarah sighed, throwing her bottle of beer on the counter with a loud <em> pop</em>. ‘’Kiara’s not leaving <em> you</em>, JJ, she’s leaving the OBX to go to college.’’</p><p>‘’Same thing, Sarah.’’</p><p>JJ wasn’t angry at Kiara — not at all, not even a little bit. He was angry at Boston for being so far away, and at whoever invented planes because they should be faster and cheaper. He was angry at all those chick flick graduation movies that Sarah forced them to watch, because then he knew high school was nothing but a fucking blip and that it’d be naive of him to actually think things would be the same.</p><p>‘’JJ, where are you going?’’ Pope yelled after him, walking in the boy’s direction before being held back by John B.</p><p>Because Kiara was leaving, and nothing would be the same ever again.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>• • •</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>JJ forgot to apply sunscreen when he went to the beach — he didn’t even have a bottle to use, really. Kiara always kept one in her bag for the both of them, an eco-friendly natural lotion that smelled of eucalyptus and was so thick she’d have to spend over fifteen minutes working his chest, his shoulders and his back to make sure it spread. </p><p>He could already feel some swelling on his body. It was the end of the summer and the beach was still packed with tourists, one young teenager even made sure to point out to JJ that that <em> dude, your nose is so fucking red right now</em>.   </p><p>A girl tried to talk to him after he had been sat on the flaming hot sand for a few minutes that might have been hours — she was blonde and long legged, skin coloured by an orange looking tan that couldn’t be real. He told her to fuck off with a clenched jaw and a popped vein in his neck that seemed to be enough to make her lose interest.</p><p>When the palm of a hand found its way to his back, he was ready to tell the tourist girl to fuck off <em> again </em> before turning around and coming face to face with his friend slash housemate slash more-like-a-brother.</p><p>‘’Whatcha doin’ out here, Pope?’’ It was mostly an honest question, and not a snap at the boy.</p><p>Pope sat down next to him — hissed and mumbled a bunch of <em> fucks </em> and <em> God damn it </em> when the hot sand touched his skin. ‘’Figured you might want some company.’’</p><p>‘’I’m good.’’ JJ rubbed his neck, almost enjoying the ache of the new blisters. ‘’If you came to apologize for John B, you don’t have to. I’m not mad at him or anything.’’</p><p>‘’He’s just John B, bro. He says stupid shit all the time.’’</p><p>‘’I know.’’</p><p>JJ had told Pope and his family that, when Pope left for school (the week after Kiara), he’d move out of the house and stay at The Chateau with John B for a bit. It’d just be the two of them back in Outer Banks, and it only felt right that they’d stick together — they were the two who started the friendship group back in the 3rd grade, so maybe it was the Universe going full circle that they’d be the last two, too.</p><p>‘’Sarah was right, though—’’ Pope trailed off, sending his brain into full thinking mode afraid that he might say something to annoy JJ even more. ‘’Kie really loves you, man. I know it’s hard for you to get that through your thick skull, but do you really think Kie, <em> Kiara Carrera</em>, would stick it out with you for two years if she didn’t love you?’’</p><p>She wouldn’t. But that wasn’t the issue at hand, really — JJ was sure (or at least, pretty sure) that Kiara loved him since the day she told him she did. Kiara wasn’t the kind of person to hold her thoughts back or her feelings in, was she? </p><p>He had said it first, though, right at the beginning of their relationship. They had just spent the whole morning surfing, the whole afternoon getting high and making out lazily in the hammocks, and were about to spend the whole night baking (or Kiara would, and JJ would watch her). She had just finished the brownie batter and was about to put it in the oven when JJ snuck in some ground weed — she laughed, her full on belly-snorting-very loud laughter, and she still smelled like salt water, her hair still had sand in it, her lips were still pink and swollen from too many open mouthed kisses. </p><p><em> I think I love you, Kie</em>. </p><p>JJ wasn’t sure why he said <em> think</em>. Because he <em> knew </em> — had for a really long time.</p><p>She didn’t say it back, though. Held JJ’s chin up with her index finger when he stared at the floor for too long, stroke his messy hair with so much tenderness and left chaste kisses all over his jaw and his crimson cheeks and the tip of his nose. But she didn’t say it back, and he didn’t ask her to.</p><p>Kiara told JJ she loved him three weeks after that late night in the kitchen. They were out on the boat with all of their friends, and Kiara was weirdly mesmerized by the furrow that formed in between the boy’s eyebrows when he was rolling a blunt — his skilled tongue licked the inside of the wrap and he pressed the dampened part down on top of the other edge of the wrap. He was so concentrated, he didn’t hear her at first.</p><p><em> I think I love you too, J</em>.</p><p>Had to hear her say it again and again and again before he could begin to process it. And he did believe it — still did, through and through. Just didn’t know for how long it’d last after she was gone.</p><p>‘’I’m being fucking pathetic, aren’t I?’’ JJ asked, but it was more of a statement than a question.</p><p>Pope placed his arm over JJ’s shoulder, pulling him into a side hug. ‘’Nah, I get it. Things are going to change, man. You just got to remember that, when they do, Kie will still be Kie, and you will still be you. You’ll still be JJ and Kiara, no matter what.’’</p><p>The sun would be setting soon. JJ needed a big cheeseburger, and a nap, and a nice cold beer and some weed wouldn’t be bad either.</p><p>‘’You know what <em> is </em> pathetic, though?’’ Pope pointed his index finger at JJ’s sunburnt nose. ‘’You look like Rudolph the Red-fucking-Nosed Reindeer, bro.’’</p><p>And JJ made a mental note to ask Kiara the brands of the sunscreen and the aloe vera lotion she always used, so he might start carrying it himself. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>• • •</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Food was waiting for him at The Chateau when he got back, an untypical assemble of half burnt omelets and chicken wings from a restaurant down by the pier. JJ also might have pulled Sarah into the kitchen while everyone ate outside, and asked her if she had spoken to Kiara that day. </p><p>‘’Yeah, had lunch with her at The Wreck’’ JJ thought he’d probably not be able to go over to The Wreck for a long time after Kiara left. ‘’She’s as miserable as you, you know? Didn’t even complain about my Boba coming with a plastic straw.’’</p><p>JJ didn’t really think him asking about her would count as cheating the rules of their <em> away day</em>. He had even left his phone turned off and under the pillow of his bed at The Chateau as to stop him from accidentally texting Kiara whenever John B said something dumb or Pope said something weird. </p><p>‘’It’s not going to be like this when she’s in Boston, JJ,’’ Sarah attempted to comfort the boy as he downed his sixth beer. ‘’You’ll text and talk on the phone and skype all the time.’’</p><p>‘’She might forget.’’ He reasoned. </p><p>
  <em> It’s fine if she does. I might wallow myself in self-pity, but I won’t blame her.  </em>
</p><p>‘’She won’t,’’ Sarah said with so much certainty that JJ almost felt better. Almost. ‘’Trust me, dude. Kie was one second away from calling you like, at least five times. We saw Topper wearing a sailor hat and she kept talking about how hilarious you’d think that was.’’</p><p>And really, it did feel good to know that Kiara might have been thinking about him just as much as he had been thinking about her. </p><p>Had she taken too long to fall asleep without his fingers playing with her curls and massaging her scalp? Had she remembered to eat something (other than black coffee) before going to work her shift at The Wreck? Was that hissing sound from under her car’s bonnet still there or had he managed to fix the leak that past night?</p><p>
  <em> Did she miss him? </em>
</p><p>‘’Jesus Christ, John B, how many chicken wings have you had?’’ Pope asked, his own mouth covered in grease and barbecue sauce. ‘’Are you ok?’’</p><p>‘’Twenty-three,’’ the boy burped, shifted in the hammock trying to get his newly swollen stomach in a comfortable position. ‘’And nope, not ok.’’</p><p>JJ loved his friends — loved surfing with them, drinking with them, doing absolutely nothing productive with them all day. And even after the end of August, he’d still have John B, which wasn’t that bad. Not the full group, of course, but it was something.</p><p>So why did he still feel like absolute shit? He was living on borrowed time, the days in which they’d be able to all be together as a bunch of high school kids with no responsibilities coming to an end, and his stupid, messed up brain just wouldn’t allow him to enjoy it. </p><p>He wanted to shut it off. Wanted to laugh at Pope’s barbecue covered face and John B’s chicken wing debacle. Maybe he could just lie back in the hammock and enjoy smoking his blunt and his friends’ voices if his brain would just <em> shut the fuck up</em>.</p><p>“JJ,” Sarah suddenly had her hand on his shoulder, the other boys too occupied with their teasing to notice. “You’re allowed to be sad. Even if I do really believe it won’t be as bad as you think. You’re still allowed to be sad.”</p><p>“It’s whatever,” he shrugged, Sarah’s sisterly touch burning holes through his skin. “I’m used to people leaving.”</p><p>He always knew Kiara was going to leave.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>• • •</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>She was the one to call him first. He had been lying down in his bed at The Chateau for over an hour then, smoking another blunt and staring at the ceiling. </p><p>When her name (actually, it was just <em> my girl </em> with a bunch of blue and purple hearts Kiara said were cheesy as fuck) showed up on the screen, he could barely tell if it was real or his a-bit-too-high brain playing tricks on him.</p><p>“It’s midnight, J,” <em>fuck</em>, her voice. It was familiar and calming, so much JJ could have fallen asleep right then. “You know, Sarah told me the Pogues had a bet going over which one of us would crack first and call the other before the end of the day.”</p><p>He checked the digital clock on the bedside table. “It’s eleven fifty-seven, Kie. Sorry to say, but you lost.”</p><p>She giggled, and even through the phone it was one of the best sounds JJ had ever heard.</p><p>“Well, fuck me.” Kiara mumbled, and usually JJ would say something like <em> it would be my pleasure </em> or <em> I have, plenty of times</em>, but it had been a shit day, and he just wanted to hear her voice again. “But I think it’s already Sunday in Australia, so let’s just say no one lost.”</p><p>
  <em> I missed you. I still miss you. I might continue to miss you forever, even on the days you’re here. </em>
</p><p>“So, what’s cookin’, good lookin’?” His voice had a fake humour behind it that sounded too forced, like something else had gotten stuck in his throat. </p><p>If Kiara had noticed, he wasn’t too sure. Probably. Kiara always noticed little things about JJ, most of the times, even before he did himself. </p><p>Thing is, JJ never wanted Kiara to feel bad about leaving — not on his account, at least. Because she deserved to be happy about going to college and getting out of Outer Banks. She was fucking smart, and everything about her was just too big for such a small island.</p><p>“I missed you today, J,” there was a tenderness in her voice she only used when she knew JJ wasn’t doing all right. “Sarah told me she showed you how to make coffee.”</p><p>He chuckled. “Well, Sarah’s coffee is shit.”</p><p>“I’ll teach you how to make it our way tomorrow, then.”</p><p><em> Our way</em>. Because Kiara preferred her coffee black, almost bitter, while JJ was more of a dessert drink, sugary and milky and everything in between kind of guy — so over the years she had mastered a perfect combination of both, something in the middle that they could both like and drink together while she sat on the kitchen counter and he stood in between her legs, placing warm, wet kisses on her neck after every other sip of coffee. </p><p>‘’Did your car make that noise again?’’</p><p>‘’Huh?’’</p><p>‘’That hissing sound—’’ He started to explain, biting the inside of his cheek so hard he could taste blood. ‘’<em>Oh</em>. No, no, it was fine. I don’t know who’s going to fix all my shit when I’m in Boston.’’</p><p>
  <em> Ouch.  </em>
</p><p>Ever since she got that acceptance letter on a Tuesday evening, every conversation had been like walking through a fucking minefield — JJ could be talking about the big tree in John B’s backyard and someone would bring up the trees from the Boston Public Garden, or suggest going on a walk and suddenly it was all about Boston Harborwalk. </p><p>He wanted her to be excited about Boston, he did.</p><p>Maybe just not too excited sometimes.</p><p>‘’Did you sleep at all last night, J?’’ She knew him too well — could sense the tiredness in his voice and the way he kept taking deep breaths between every sentence. And she didn’t even need him to answer. ‘’You could’ve called me, you know.’’</p><p>JJ made sure to use his teasing voice. Didn’t want things to be sad — didn’t want to make <em> her </em> sad. ‘’Hey, but then I’d have lost the bet.’’</p><p>‘’Fuck the bet,’’ her voice was unusually throaty and gruff, like her brain was working too fast and her mouth couldn’t keep up. ‘’You have a nightmare, you call me. You think your anxiety is getting bad, you call me. You’re just bored out of your ass and want to talk, you call me. Got it?’’</p><p>‘’Kie—’’ JJ was immediately cut off by the girl, and he could listen to her shifting on her bed and getting up. ‘’No, JJ. I know you have this thing where you get in your own head and you feel like people don’t give a shit about you, but <em> newsflash</em>, I do. Do you even know how many times I wanted to call you today?’’</p><p>‘’Why didn’t you?’’</p><p>‘’I thought you wouldn’t want me to,’’ she said, and it sounded so ridiculous the boy had to hold in a scoff. ‘’I mean, this was your idea. I know you won’t want to talk to me every single day when you’re busy at the shop.’’</p><p>JJ rubbed his neck nervously — a bad habit his therapist pointed out once, telling him (and Kie, because he always took her with) it meant that he was having a hard time communicating. It’s safe to say JJ rubbed his neck a lot, sometimes so much the skin turned all red and blotchy.</p><p>‘’Kiara, <em> what </em> ?’’ he laughed, an uncomfortable and throaty laughter because he couldn’t believe the girl truly thought that was the reason why he had suggested staying the day away from each other in the first place. ‘’I’m not going to be busy, <em> you are</em>. You’re the one who’s going to get fucking bored of me, I was just trying to soften the blow for myself.’’</p><p>She sighed — the same sigh from when she found out about Luke, and from when he told her what happened to his mom when he was six. JJ knew she had something to say when she let out a deep breath, but he didn’t give her time to speak. He had to finish what he started before bile traveled up his throat and his his lungs started feeling like they were filled with dirt and boulders.</p><p>‘’I always knew it was going to happen, Kie. And I’m happy for you, shit, I’m so honestly happy for you that I couldn’t even be selfish enough to want you to stay,’’ his voice broke, and he cleared his throat in a failed attempt to disguise it. ‘’I want you to go. I want you to have so much fucking fun, and to experience all this amazing shit that you’d never get to experience if you were stuck here with me. You’re going to be brilliant, Kie. You’re going to be the best fucking marine biologist in the States, <em> hell</em>, in the world even—’’</p><p>‘’JJ—’’ She cried out softly, but he couldn't let her speak. Not before he was done, not before he was all out of foggy thoughts and hazy feelings he had let bubble up inside him for months.</p><p>‘’You’re going to go off and save every fucking turtle in the ocean and I’ll be so proud of you. I’m always proud of you, baby,’’ Kiara didn’t usually like when he called her baby. He even gave her a second to interrupt and scold him about it, but all he could hear was a muffled sniffle. ‘’But I’m just going to miss you, you know? Like, <em> really </em> fucking miss you. And I don’t know how long it’ll take until you figure out that I’m just another Maybank, and that no matter how hard I try I’ll never be able to keep up with all that smart scientific, philosophical stuff you say. I’m just me, and it would fucking kill me if I was the thing holding you back.’’</p><p>He had more to say. <em> I am never leaving Outer Banks. I barely managed to graduate high school. Will probably be here on The Cut for the rest of my life. Might become a drunk asshole like my dad.  </em></p><p>‘’Hey, can you cut it out?’’ Kiara’s voice was tough and testing, more like a demand than anything. ‘’That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about, mister. And no one is allowed to talk shit about my boyfriend.’’</p><p>JJ let out a hollow laugh that made it obvious that tears had started to threaten escape his baby blue eyes. He just wanted her to be next to him — wanted to held onto her tightly as if his life depended on it, wanted to cover her face with soft kisses and whisper against her neck <em> hey Kie, hey, hey Kie, do you like me? You think I’m cute, dontcha? Are you blushing? Oh, you’re blushing because you love, love me </em>until she erupted in laughter.</p><p>‘’I don’t care if you know about coral reefs or petrochemicals or whatever. You know what I do care about?’’ he mumbled a soft no, his back hitting the headboard as he finally stood up. ‘’I care that you’re constantly fixing my car, even when it doesn’t really need fixing, just because you want to make sure that I’m driving safe. I care that you go out of your way to catch seashells you think are pretty, so that I can add to my collection. I care that you learned how to do buns and braids, and I know it wasn’t easy, because I caught you watching Youtube tutorials plenty of times. I care that you always remind me to have breakfast and snacks and dinner, because you know I forget to whenever I’m busy with something else.’’</p><p>Fuck, he loved her. Even the things he didn’t really like about her, he loved. Loved her morning grumpiness and how she’d scold him for chewing too much gum and the way her brown eyes rolled up dramatically when she was even a slight bit annoyed. </p><p>‘’You’re <em> it </em> for me, JJ,’’ she spoke delicately and out of breath, like she had been holding back tears for a very long time. ‘’There’s no fucking way in hell that Boston’s going to change that.’’</p><p>And for maybe the first time ever since Kiara had gotten the acceptance letter, JJ truly  believed that they would be ok, no <em> buts</em>, no <em> whens</em>, no what <em> ifs</em>. They had to. The Universe had fucked him over plenty of times, more than enough for a lifetime, and JJ would be damned if he let it mess with what he and Kiara had.</p><p>‘’You’re it for me too, Kie.’’</p><p>She was. JJ promised himself he’d marry that fucking girl — would see her walk down the aisle and say <em> I do </em> and would kiss her in front of everyone they cared about. He’d take her home one day, to their home, and suddenly the time they had spent apart six hundred and eighty-two miles apart wouldn’t even matter anymore. Things changed all the time, and sooner or later they were bound to change for the better.</p><p>‘’When I’m gone do you think you’ll be able to fall asleep?’’</p><p><em> No</em>.</p><p>‘’Yeah, I think so.’’</p><p>‘’Will you call me if you can’t?’’</p><p>‘’Maybe.’’</p><p>
  <em> Yes. Always.  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>come cry about jiara (and way too many other ships) with me on tumblr 🤍 @jiaaras</p></blockquote></div></div>
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